


Defective

by transboyjakeenglish



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Androids, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Mental Health Issues, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quadrant Vacillation, Trans Dave, Trans Dave Strider, can robots have feelings, karkat does
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5179205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transboyjakeenglish/pseuds/transboyjakeenglish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 2025. Scientists and engineers have come to create none other than artificial intelligence in the form of androids. Aside from obvious ways of motion and processing buffers, androids are made to look -and feel- like real people. But of course, something like this needs a purpose. So, Carebots were invented. The purpose for the androids would be to help patients in hospitals or people going through therapy. They were stored with information on many different illnesses, mental and physical. A batch of beta testers in each state were to test a model of the Carebots. Each beta tester had to sign a contract stating they were not actually mentally ill and could in fact handle the responsibility of testing the Carebots using a list of symptoms they were to fake. In this AU, the Homestuck kids serve as beta testers and the trolls are Carebots. What the company, and Dave, doesn't know is that Dave truly does have PTSD and that Karkat may be a better Carebot than what was intended. (Thanks to @autisticvantas for the idea!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello Yes Police I'd Like To Report A Stolen Robot

Dave knew this part of the hospital was for employees only. However, he did not care. The storage unit was a playground with ten slides complete with swings and he was a kid that lived two towns over. Right now, he was supposed to be testing Carebot Model 413: Terezi but he was too wired up about how much of this place still needed to be explored to care. 

He was dodging boxes left and right, not a care in the world until he felt cotton against his chest and rough hair in his face. He took a few steps back to see he had ran into another person who like him was not in employee uniform.

"Sorry dude." He immediately apologised. The other person turned around, tan face expressionless.  
"You're not supposed to be here." the voice was gritty, mechanic. Was this a Carebot?  
"Yeah I know. But neither are you. Who's your patient?" Dave threw back, trying to get himself in as little trouble as possible.  
"I no longer have one. I'm being sent back to the factory for deactivation. Now get the fuck back upstairs."  
Were Carebots even programmed to curse? Dave was taken aback by this. 

"Did you just say fuck?"  
"I'm fucking defective, yeah."  
Well that answers that question.

"Listen." The carebot continued, "You need to go back upstairs."  
"I don't need to take orders from a defective Carebot. What model are you?"  
"Model 69: Karkat." This made Dave laugh. Of course, he was 20 going on 12.  
"I don't see what about my name is funny." Karkat's voice became hostile.  
"That's the sex number." Dave informed him.  
"My knowledge has led me to believe numbers are not used in that sort of way."  
"Never mind I don't want to explain." Dave sat on a box that read FRAGILE. Karkat continued to count stock, ignoring Dave's existence. Dave watched his movement carefully.

After a few minutes, Karkat lifted Dave's entire body off the box. Dave yelped as he fell to the ground.  
"Now I see why you're defective. What kind of person just drops someone? Jesus."  
This earned a roll of robotic eyes from Karkat.  
"Your guilt trips are useless tactics to use on me, not only am I not capable of human emotions but deactivation will wipe my memory before I am scrapped."  
"Wait." Dave stood, ignoring the literal pain in his ass. "They're going to kill you?"  
"If that terminology helps you understand, yes, you dickmuncher."  
"I can't let that happen!"

Before Karkat can respond, his hand is being pulled. He followed unwillingly as Dave pulled him out of the hospital and into the parking lot.

"Where the fuck are you taking me?"  
"Home."  
"Hate to break this to you but my GPS locator will be screaming as soon as I leave the hospital parking lot."  
Dave stuffed Karkat into the passenger seat of his car, chest moving up and down with his uneven breathing. Was the world spinning?  
"I'm gonna be in so much goddamn trouble." Dave started shaking as he whispered to himself.  
"Uh, yeah, no shit Sherlock." Karkat scoffed and sat up straight.

Dave couldn't see anything but the sword in front of his face if he showed up at home with a stolen Carebot. Bro's expressionless face hidden behind those pointed shades he would probably gauge out Dave's eyes with. His heart was pounding and adrenaline pumping, not noticing the tears streaking down his face as he sat unmoving in his seat. Sensing the panic, Karkat sighed.  
"GPS deactivated. Communication with management deactivated. Any possible way of you getting caught stealing me from my own inevitable death has been deactivated. Everything will be okay."

Karkat's primary function was to care for others. And now Dave had become his patient. Maybe he wasn't defective afterall seeing as how his confirmation of Dave's ability to get away with this caused the shaking to slowly end and Dave to breathe regularly once more.

"So stop fucking crying." Or not.

Dave eventually was okay enough to drive. He followed the speed limit silently. Karkat stared out the window. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking if anything at all. But all Dave could think about was how he needs to remember that Bro is not a threat to him anymore. He lives alone now. And Bro is dead. The 20 year old was free. Free to steal a robot.

Fuck.

Dave just stole a robot.


	2. This One Isn't Getting Out Of Beta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is irrelevant to davekat plot so read if you want

Dirk Strider looked down at the clipboard, studying it. He was sitting in the hospital bed, wearing the uncomfortable blue gown they provided, waiting for the hour to be over. He only agreed to this because Jane didn't want to beta test without a friend. So now he was stuck with Carebot who was staring intensely at him.

"Can I help you?" he asked and the robot with the same dark skin as his was startled. He wondered if it wasn't a coincidence the black guy got a black robot.

"Are you in need of service?" the bot asked. Carebot model 100: Equius. The voice was gruff and the chosen body type was very muscular. Dirk raised an eyebrow.

"Just a moment." He looked down at the clipboard again. He was never much of an actor. But now he was supposed to act suicidal. Of course he was given the dramatic thing to see if the Carebot could handle it. Here goes nothing.

"You know, Equius-"  
"Please refer to me as Carebot model: 100."  
"I'm not doing that. Equius, I feel like there's nothing to live for." He laid back in the bed.  
"Nonsense. Elaborate." Straight to the point. Dirk sort of liked it.  
"I mean like." He flipped through the papers on the clipboard. "I feel nothing anymore. My life is pointless. I'm pointless. I want to kill myself." God he hoped he was portraying this correctly.  
"I command you not to do that. My primary function is to keep you alive and healthy."

"Command me? You have no control over me."  
"Yes, you are my patient."  
"I'm just gonna. Fuckin. Take this needle and die now." He was terrible at this. Fuck. Equius reached out and grabbed his hands.  
"No."

This. Was terrible. Equius was terrible. Dirk could make a way better AI than this. In fact maybe he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hal will be made yes sorry its so short


	3. Don't Fuck The Robot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day woop woop.

Dave looked around his apartment to do an inventory check. Food? Check. Weapons? Hidden and check. All other basic apartment needs? Check. Collection of dead things in jars? Check. Robot sitting on the couch and staring out the window? Check indeed. What was he thinking?!

"Tension levels in the room have risen and I suggest you tone it the fuck down." Karkat mumbles as he watches a bird outside.  
"You can sense tension levels? That's a lie."  
"Yea." he says without looking at Dave. "It's called basic senses."  
"Don't gotta be a smartass damn. Okay. So what to do with you. You're not getting scrapped so that's a plus."  
"For you."  
"Shut up I'm thinking."  
"Then keep it in your fucked up human brain." he scoffed and Dave waved him off.

Dave paced the room and Karkat sighed.

"Just. Keep me locked up here I guess."  
"No that's stupid." Dave rubbed his chin. "Oh! I can just keep you here! Great job Dave. Why thank you Dave."  
"Your name is Dave."  
"Dave Strider."  
"Sounds like the kind of name an asshole would have."  
"So does Karkat."  
"I'll have you know I'm not just an asshole, I'm a superior asshole."

Dave sat down. "Okay. What do you need to survive?"  
".........electricity? What sort of bullshit answer are you even looking for here?"  
"Fuck if I know. Do you have batteries?"  
"Built in charger. I'll do that when you sleep."  
"K cool. Um. Do you want different clothes?"  
"I don't give a shit."

Dave got up and went to his room. He came back with a t-shirt advertising some dubstep band and sweatpants. "Might as well be comfortable. Can you even feel things?"  
"Oh yea they completely took away one of my ways to tell if I'm in danger- yes I can feel!"  
"God damn you're a tea kettle that's bursting with steam even though there isn't any water in you."  
"If there is water in me I get damaged."  
Of course.  
"Okay so go put the clothes on" Dave showed him the way to the bathroom. Karkat stepped in, dressed, and came back out. Dave nodded.  
"That's hot. You look hot." Was it a Freudian slip? Was he just joking? The world may never know. Karkat scoffed and crossed his arms.  
"Please. I know I'm too hot to handle but keep it in your gross human pants."

This made Dave raise an eyebrow, curious eyes hidden behind the shades.  
"Are you even capable of sexual pleasure? Do you have a robot dick? Are you fuckable?"  
"Invasive ass mother fucker. What sort of bumbling idiot with a stick up his ass makes a robot you can't fuck? Not that it's any of your damn business."  
"Ho-ho-hoooly shit! I can fuck you!?" that came out a bit too straightforward and Dave did not care.  
"You being able to and me letting you are two different things. We're done talking about this."  
"So do you have robot cum or-"  
"I said we're done!" Karkat insisted and sat on the couch. Dave snorted. "Okay well I'm gonna hit the hay. Charge up."

As Dave walked off to his room, Karkat looked around the apartment. He was gonna have to get used to this asshole, wasn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be john and vriska OR rose and kanaya vote in the comments! And yes i know i need to make them longer however i do not give a shit


	4. I Cannot Write Rose For The Life Of Me.txt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls tell me if im portraying any of the illnesses or disorders wrong

Rose Lalonde had done hours of extensive research for this day. Her time spent on Wikipedia was enough to tell her all she needed to know. Model 13: Kanaya. When Rose walked in she was immediately greeted with a smile and a plate of cookies. She didn't know how the dark skinned robot could have gotten a plate of cookies in a hospital but she took one. "Thank you."

She sat on the bed as she nibbled on the sweet baked good. "To begin, Kanaya, I would like to know a bit about you." Rose gave a small smile and Kanaya shook her head, placing the tray of cookies on the table.

"Knowing about me will not help in your recovery and/or your adjusting."  
"I suppose you are correct." Rose contemplates for a moment. She is supposed to pretend to have bipolar disorder. She's decided to start in a state of mania. Once done thinking, she stood.  
"What are you planning on doing?" Kanaya questioned as Rose dug out a sketchbook and paint from her purse.

"I love to paint." no she didn't. However it was common for a lot of famous painters to be bipolar as Rose had read so she got some dollar store paints. She opened her sketch book and dipped her fingers in the paint. She guided them into abstract lines on the paper and Kanaya watched. Rose then motioned for Kanaya to join her.

"As much as I would love to splatter paint into my palm and smear it on paper, I must resist."  
"Oh but I insist!" Rose used her free hand to bring Kanaya closer. Kanaya sputtered but allowed herself to be moved.  
"I don't know how to-"  
"Let me show you."

Rose took Kanaya's hand and dipped it in the green. "Now paint." she pointed to the canvas. Kanaya stared at it, then painted straight lines. Rose shook her head and took Kanaya's hand in hers, guiding it in swirls across the canvas. After a bit, she let go and began to draw a cat. Kanaya studied it, then off to the side started on Rose's eye.

"That looks almost as beautiful as you." Rose commented and Kanaya grinned.  
"I say the same to you. Same to you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the art they made http://transboyjakeenglish.tumblr.com/post/133821392311/httparchiveofourownorgworks5179205


End file.
